


Don't Laugh

by cmonlauraweremarriednow



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Fluff, Silly, feeling puckish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-03-06 08:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13407792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmonlauraweremarriednow/pseuds/cmonlauraweremarriednow
Summary: Mulder has an accident in the bathroom.





	Don't Laugh

The horrified scream from the bathroom sends Scully in a flurried panic down the hall.

“Mulder?!” she calls through the closed door. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Uh…nothing…I’m fine, Scully. Totally fine.”

Scully does not believe him.

“Mulder,” she rattles the doorknob. “Mulder, let me in.”

“No thanks, I’m fine. Really. Nothing to see here.”

“Mulder don’t make me break down this door…” Scully warns. “I really don’t want to have to replace another one.”

“Fine…” he acquiesces, tinged with embarrassment. “But you have to promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“Why would I laugh?”

“Just promise, Scully.”

“Okay, I promise. No laughing.”

There’s a shuffling and a click of a lock before the door finally, slowly opens partway. Mulder sticks his arm through the crack, pinky extended.

“Pinky swear.”

“Mulder, you are being ridiculous,” Scully sighs, but still wrapping her finger around his. “I pinky swear I will not laugh. Now please let me in.”

The door opens to reveal Mulder staring at the floor in puppy-who-peed-on-the-rug shame, a shower cap covering his entire head, pulled down to just above his eyes.

“Mulder…why do you have a shower cap on? Did you try to dye your own hair because you found one gray one the other day? I told you I don’t mind the gray hairs. It’s a natural part of aging that happens to everyone. I think they’re very sexy.”

He shakes his head, gaze still fixed on the ground, refusing to meet her eyes. Scully tugs on their still joined pinkies, before twining her fingers through his.

“Mulder,” she approaches the ashamed puppy gently, “What did you do?”

He mumbles unintelligibly and she reaches to tip his face upward.

“What?”

“I shaved my eyebrow…” his voice is barely a whisper.

“You shaved your eyebrow.”

His panicked animal eyes finally meet hers and the words tumble from his lips in a frantic explanation. “It was an accident, Scully! I was shaving my face when I noticed that my eyebrows were a little uneven and there were a few rogue hairs in the middle and I thought I could just trim them up with my electric razor but then my hand slipped and I accidentally took off more than I meant to and now I need an eyebrow wig.”

Scully slowly reaches her hand up to tug the cap off his head, revealing a normal right brow and a nearly missing left one slashed through the middle. She bites her lip hard in an attempt to keep her word.

“Scully, you promised!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry! It’s really not that bad,” she fibs, a stifled giggle slipping through her lips.

“Really?” He smiles tentatively for the first time since she opened the door.

She nods and puts on her best FBI straight face in an attempt to reassure him. “Really. We can just tell everyone that you got into a fight with Bigfoot.”

His smile widens and he leans down to kiss her gently. “You know, I was just reading a casefile the other day about a recent wood ape sighting in the Ouachita Mountains. What do you say we go into the office fill out some requisition forms for a road trip to Oklahoma?”

“Oh Mulder,” she pats his cheek, her facade slipping and the laughter she had been holding back finally spilling forth. Her tiny frame shakes as tears form in her eyes. “I love you…but I can’t be seen with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me the happiest clam in all the sea  
> You can also follow me on Tumblr [@realmofextremepossibility!](http://realmofextremepossibility.tumblr.com)


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